


The funeral

by Mesaana



Category: Red Queen Series - Victoria Aveyard
Genre: Angst, Book 2: Glass Sword, F/M, Fluff, Funeral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22754188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mesaana/pseuds/Mesaana
Summary: "So I stand alone. Just as I always knew I would, in my darkest nightmares. My sorrow, not only for Shade but for the parts of myself I have lost the last year, is an actual physical sensation in my chest, making it hard to breath."I'm currently rereading the series and will try to write one oneshot for every book. For Glass Sword I chose to add a scene between Mare and Cal during Shade's funeral. I know the last thing this book probably needs is more of Mare's angst but it broke my heart that despite everything Mare really wanted Cal to be there for her on her brother's funeral, and he didn't come even though we get a couple of hints that he actually regrets how hard he was on her during the flight back from Corros prison. So this is basically just a really short scene I really missed in the ending of glass sword.
Relationships: Mare Barrow/Tiberias "Cal" Calore VII
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	The funeral

When Farley leave the funeral site, I alone remain.

I’m not sure if the coldness inside my chest has finally taken over my entire body or if it’s just the howling winds that took away the last of my warmth. Either way I feel cold through and through. But I can’t make my feet, or my eyes, move away from Shade’s grave.

So I stand alone. Just as I always knew I would, in my darkest nightmares. My sorrow, not only for Shade but for the parts of myself I have lost during the last year, is an actual physical sensation in my chest, making it hard to breath. I wrap my arms around myself in some kind of effort of holding myself together. The pain only continues to spread, up to my throat until I only breath with shallow pants.

When I feel the first shred of warmth touch my back some part of me thinks I must have stopped breathing. I had heard that people that freeze to death feel warm in the last moments before they die. Would it feel the same if you died from a frozen heart? Is such a thing possible? I almost hope so.

When a somewhat hesitant hand brushes my arm, I know better. The last time he did that I flinched away like his touch was scolding. I can’t bear to turn around and face him. I can’t face the things I said to him and I’m not ready to forgive the things he said to me. But most of all, I can’t bear to be alone. So I put my own hand over his, clutching fiercely, begging him without words to not let go. Not matter what he may think of me or I of him. As I do my chest starts to heave with silent sobs. His warm touch thaws some of my frozen numbness and tears starts rolling down my cheeks once again.

Cal put his other arm across my chest and draws me close to his chest, enveloping me in his warmth. It only makes me cry harder and as my knees start to buckle his firm embrace keeps me upright. With his arms around me I dare to let some of the pain, some of the dark hollow emptiness inside me roam free, hoping that he can hold me together when I no longer can.

“I only just got him back. I can’t lose him again.” I whisper between sobs, even though I know I already have.

Cal doesn’t say anything, only hold me tight and rests his chin on my head.

We stay like that for a long time. Until my body is utterly exhausted and I simply have no more tears left to shed. Cal doesn’t let me go though. Instead he gently turns me around to face him, letting his hands rest of my shoulders.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier Mare. I know how much you loved Shade. He knew it too.”

 _I don’t know if you love anyone at all._ His words from the cockpit in the airship echoes through my head, the wound still fresh and bleeding. They have already taken a hold even though I know they aren’t true. Was that what he thought about me? Do other see me that way as well?

I heave a deep shuddering breath, trying to let go of a fear I didn’t even knew I was holding. Had I ever told Shade I loved him, after he came back? I had certainly giving him reason to doubt it, making it clear I couldn’t trust him. I left him behind on the mission in Harbor Bay as he was fighting one of the seaskulls, risking his safety for the benefit of the mission. I close my eyes and rest my head against his chest, desperately trying to remember if I ever told him.

“How could he know? I certainly didn’t act like it.” I say in a shaky voice. “And I can’t remember if I ever told him.”

“You didn’t have to.” Cal answers without hesitation.

I lean back so that I can look at him. He meets my gaze with gentle eyes and doesn’t let go. I get the feeling that he’s not only talking about Shade but rather implying something that neither him nor I can talk about out aloud.

In that moment, no matter how long it may last, I’m not so alone anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> As I said in the summary; it broke my heart that despite everything Mare really wanted Cal to be there for her on her brother's funeral, and he didn't come. At the very least I would have liked this to be addressed at some point. But it never is (I guess they are a bit preoccupied with the whole king's cage thing), so this was my fix! If you read I would love to hear you thoughts about it, were you as heartbroken as me? And if you liked it, I did a oneshot for the first book; Red Queen as well, check it out.


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